August 23rd, 2013
I like to put humor into every day events. Laughter is good for the soul. Therefore, I like to write short stories about such mishaps or happenings. I hope you enjoy the wit!
I couldn’t wait for the first Member Only Exhibition Preview this year to come around at the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston. La di da! It was the Impressionist and Post-Impressionist Masterpieces on loan from the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. Featured artists were Van Gogh, Cézanne, Degas, Monet, Renoir, and more. I gave my husband a month’s notice for his calendar so there would be no conflict in “our” schedules. Believe me, we do not have a “busy” social schedule…I just wanted to make sure he had no excuses. He likes to go to museums, but usually at his chosen time. It also meant he had to wear something besides his tennis shoes, lounging pajamas, and Veterans (Vietnam) ball cap.
I was filled with enthusiasm as the time arrived. I ignored all my husbands mumbling about going another time, and reminded him he wasn’t a hermit living in a cave. At times he accuses me of living under a rock, which I prefer on occasions, but the rock is only a pebble in his cave! We needed some culture to refresh us after the winter months.
As we walked across the street from the parking lot, I felt this sensation of something moving down my hips, and it wasn’t my husbands’ hand. I attributed it to excitement. Well that was an ignorant assessment! We reached the entrance filled with people mulling around with their drinks in hand and I came to a complete halt. “What’s the matter?” my husband asked. “I’m in trouble!” I replied. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?” He asked enthusiastically. “No……but my panty hose are falling down! And they are new!” I thought he was going to fall off the steps in hysterics. When he gained his composure, I told him to guide me to the nearest rest room…taking baby steps and stop laughing! At 6’5” this is a difficult move on his part.
The dilemma was critical for me. I wore a long dress with a slit on the side, and my dress boots, which eliminated taking off the panty hose. My bare, winterized legs with no tan would definitely be partially exposed on one side. My addiction to always carry a safety pin for emergencies lost credibility. I yanked them up as high as possible, and in doing so tore a dreadful hole to further the problem. I returned to my husband. “Well?” he asked. I told him we would just to have to make like snails and move slowly.
The Gallery was filled so movement was confined. This suited me just fine as I studied and admired each painting. I didn’t want to miss any of them! My husband soon grew tired though, as his knees began to hurt. I have learned that is what happens with real tall men when they get older…especially if they are carrying extra baggage in the form of 25 pounds. His cave is definitely getting smaller. I will add a note to his blank calendar. Do more extreme walking, besides with the puppy a few blocks each day.
As he retired to a comfortable and convenient sofa, I kept up my adventure. I could feel his eyes staring at me. I knew what he was thinking…any minute the hose are coming down in the middle of the crowd. The camera is ready. I turned to look at him and his smile turned into a stifled laugh. I signaled for him to come closer. “Okay…you win! I have a momentary solution. Put your coat around me, place your arm around my waist beneath the jacket, pinch my clothes at the waist, and hold it tight from the back. “How will that work? People will think I’m being fresh!” he said. “Well, I could fake a fainting and then you could carry me out?? They can’t tell what you are doing! I will add a limp to my walk and they will think I am handicap. Just find the nearest exit!”
I can imagine other people’s conversation as we passed…”Mutt and Jeff – he has to bend down to hold her up!” “ Look at those poor beings. Do you think she is crippled or perhaps had one drink too many?”